the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I puked a lego.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
