We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
