He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
