Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
