so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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