i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
