she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
