my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
