Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have post one night stand depression
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
