I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
