Your face is a jimmy john
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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