he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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