You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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