mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
