Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
