There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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