I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
