walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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