they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
