he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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