Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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