I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
