the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He shit in the fireplace
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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