what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
