I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
