he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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