I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
