How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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