i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
