so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
