Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
