so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
