Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
