I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
