please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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