i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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