we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
