Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
