she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
