yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
