And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
