I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
