If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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