dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
