I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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