Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
