if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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