i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
