Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
