can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
