Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
