Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
