I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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