big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
