1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
