yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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