He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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