thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
