im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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