Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
