This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
