even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
